Mrs. Burns, it’s really not what you think…

This weekend I was going through school papers for my 2nd grader.  They are learning the elements of a story as follows: beginning, detail, detail, detail, ending. It looks like his teacher has a template with five boxes and the kids are to put one sentence in each to create story.  My youngest comes home with his first one, and his teacher put a big star
“Wow!” and star in the upper right hand corner. That familiar burst of pride overtakes my heart…but this time it’s a teeny bit different because he’s a writer! I dig in for the deep read.

First box: he explains that he goes to sleep in his closet come bedtime. Second box: he introduces how he really wants to swing an axe at me and chop off my arms. Third box?  He clarifies that the object is to kill me, and the fourth and fifth box continues the story along the same lines.

Oooooohhhhhhkaaaaaaaay.  Um, Mrs. Burns? About that writing assignment….

Let’s be clear: I know exactly what he’s talking about but ya know….this little story of his is a smidge out of context for your average 2nd grade teacher.  I can’t wait for this month’s parent teacher conference!  They always save the best examples to share with you when you meet, right? Uh huh.

Plus, I’m looking at the “Wow! and the great big star she put on his work and wonder,  “Wait: did she read this? And if she read this, how is it child protective services hasn’t rung my doorbell by now?”

Let me explain: my youngest pulled a couple of big pillows into his closet, with some propped up and others like a mattress. He goes in there with a blanket, closes the doors, and plays on his mini iPad. It’s totally cozy in there. He asked if he could have a little light so he could read books in there too. Off to Target I go to get a little battery-operated light. Pop it on the wall and voila! Now he hangs out in there with his stuffed animals and books as if it were a little clubhouse. It’s so cozy, he choses to sleep in there sometimes. Ok, many times.  Ok, fine: most times, alright? He sleeps in there now.  He’s abandoned his own bed for the closet.

It really is so stinking cute. Pretty soon he will outgrow his closet but for now it’s just right like Goldilocks and the third of everything.

I used to do the same thing too when I was little. I had to share bedrooms growing up so I always found small places to play like big closets and little corners….but seeing that first line in his story? It felt so Harry Potter-banished-to-live-in-the-cupboard-under-the-stairs so I chuckled and thought, oh, I better explain that one to Mrs. Burns.

Little did I know how my son’s story would unfold. See? Karma’s already paying a visit to Louie Lodge.

The next part, well…  See, my son has downloaded a game called Bowmasters onto his iPad.  It’s a little like Angry Birds but so cartoonishly gruesome it’s funny. At least I can’t stop laughing. He BEGGED me to play it with him so I did and now I’m HOOKED.

Two characters face off, and your choices are a lumberjack, biker, evil scientist, ninja, etc. Each takes turns hurling a characteristic weapon at the other and if you hit your foe, cartoon blood quirts everywhere, and the foe loses a limb or whatever, yet he gets back up, injured as he is, and then takes his turn hurling his weapon back at his opponent. You gotta get the angle and the speed just right to hit your target. When you’ve battered your foe to near death, a big message appears on the screen “Finish him!” (We use our movie announcer voice for that.) And you get one more shot to put a glorious end to your foe.  We break down in a fit of giggles when we play it. My son is way better at the game than me. It’s just funny to watch my character hobble along trying to fight back. It’s so bad, it’s good.

So here, in his school story my son’s talking about Bowmasters but he doesn’t make it clear it’s just a silly game.

Yep, just another one of those OMG moments raising kids. I know teachers hear it all, but um….yeah. This is gonna be an interesting parent teacher conference in a few weeks.

So my dear Mrs. Burns, rest assured my youngest and I really do love each other but let’s be clear: I hurl axes and ninja stars and try to finish him off every chance I get. And then we giggle some more.

Author: silonda

I'm not your average Midwestern American woman: an older mom to three kids and married to a musician, hiding out in a small town. I’ve worked as a serious business professional my entire adult life but my soul is really an artist. Wonderlust (i.e., insatiable curiosity) and wanderlust lead me to read voraciously and travel often. The introvert in me likes to quietly observe and share what I discover through writing but buried inside is a pretty funny chick full of spunk and verve who is eager to come out and play. Deep thinking and feeling (all the feels) is my default mode and then I'll crack a joke about it. I’m constantly striving to cultivate whatever makes for beautiful and to love UP.

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